we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize