I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
