is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize