Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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