is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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