i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
