Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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