is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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