I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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