her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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