so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
