So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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