Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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