Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
