How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
