You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
