doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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