Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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