Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
