Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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