Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
