All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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