So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
