it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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