Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Randomize
