I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
