u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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