walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
