we have officially lost it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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