I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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