Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
