Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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