:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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