It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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