Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
