you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
smell my finger.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
