why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
