I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
