The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
