Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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