I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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