Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
