I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
