I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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