the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
