He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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