If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
