I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
