he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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