You work out of a Hotel?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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