when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
