Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I sprained my soul last night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
