im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You are a genius and a whore.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize