I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
