I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
