I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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