so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
