There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
