so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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