dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
grandma shit on top of the toilet
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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