I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize