Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
