thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
vagina is talking i cant
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize