Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
