Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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