Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
