is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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