You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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