So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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