Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
