I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
