I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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