My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
