watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
