i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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