I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My bed smells like the plague
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
