I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
