i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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