My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
