So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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