I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
