The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
