Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
