Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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